if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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