Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
BRING THE BAGELS
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
