Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize