I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
