my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
