So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she peed on how many people?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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