it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
