ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
