She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
