Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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