mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
