The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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