moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
