if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
