your thong is hanging out like whoa
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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