if i died would you start the facebook group?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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