I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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