New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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