Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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