i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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