Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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