Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
