That's when you crack a 10am beer
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
