So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
