kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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