At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
