i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
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so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
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We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt