i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
