But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.