Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.