Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...