I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.