Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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