Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
