Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
