she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Drake has all the answers
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
