Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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