Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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