After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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