Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
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after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
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Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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