i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
