im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
