there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
