You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
