Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
