I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
