I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
