Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
