I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
