She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
