Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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