Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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