having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
