Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
