No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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