I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
