Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
