You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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