your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Pooping to opera.
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