Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
