I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
