Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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