And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
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You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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