does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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