she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
