I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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