Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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