My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize