enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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