when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
