I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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