Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
