Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
