best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
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Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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