I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
