Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
