I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
