i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
