I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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