On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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